Ahhhh a newborn! What a magical and totally wild time all in one-go. Our little girl is our first. And she is also the first in both of our families.
Growing up I loved, loved, loved babies. Played with dolls, Barbies and babysat loads. I thought that meant I knew babies.
It doesn’t.
Babies are one thing, but newborns are a whole other category.
I couldn’t help but jot down every hilarious thought, sentence and circumstance that went through both of our heads in the first 6 weeks with our new one.
We essentially developed an entirely new vocabulary.
Read on if you’re in for some relatable chuckles.
The First 6 Weeks: New Parents Quotes Funny
“LO? FTM? EBF? What does this mean??
Oh. LO = Little one. FTM = First Time Mom. EBF = Exclusively Breastfeeding.
Cool, cool. Didn’t know newborns came with their own language.”
“You’re SO CUTE. Where did you come from?”
“Oh biiiig yawn. Ya biiiig yawn. Good girl!”
“A nice clean diaper just for you!”
*14 seconds later* “Alright. Well that sounded big, let’s change that again.”
“This whole breastfeeding thing is going really great. Ow. Ow. Owwww. Ok. Breathe.”
“Guess who slept 6 hours last night at 4 weeks old! Aren’t you the best little sleeper out there. Mommy is so rested today.”
Next night: “Oh. My. Goodness. 2 hour stretches. Max. All night. And then wouldn’t go back to sleep. Mommy’s eyeballs sting today.”
“Shhh. Shhhhhh. Husshhh. Shhhh. It’s okay. Shhhhhh. Sh. Sh. Sh. Sh. Sh. Sh. Okay I feel like I am going to pass out.”
“Who. Made. Over the head onesies. These. Things. Are. A. NIGHTMARE!”
“You’re so pretty in this brand new white outfit.
Oh, yup. Ok. That’s a lot of puke. Let’s change you.”
*Face scrunches up and turns purple in a matter of 1.5 seconds*
“UMM. What do I do now!?”
“Is that a smile? Did you just smile for Mommy?
Oh nope, that was a big poop. But I’ll take it.”
“Ahhh. She’s down. Should be for at least an hour, maybe two.
*12 minutes later* “Just kidding, she’s awake.”
“Ya, no, we’re totally in a routine! She naps at similar times of the day, she goes to bed at a decent time, she sleeps 4+ hours at a time throughout the night.”
*Next day*
Baby doesn’t nap, won’t feed, wakes up at night.
Furiously googling “how to implement newborn routine.”
(Side note: the routine naturally comes! Don’t waste precious time trying to give a routine to a 17 day old. They don’t want one.)
“FLYING POO. We have FLYING POO. BABE. CAN YOU HELP ME. IT’S EVERYWHERE.”
I feel like this list could just go on and on!
What did your vocabulary change to when you had a newborn? Send me some of your chuckle-worthy thoughts as new parents so I can add them to the list! I know we all love hearing these.
OTHER POSTS YOU MAY LIKE TO SUPPORT YOUR NEWBORN JOURNEY:
My 14 Most Used Newborn Essentials in the First Month
My 7 Most Used Newborn Essentials: Weeks 4 – 8
Konny Baby Carrier Review: Honest Review from a Mom